Adorabale, shaggy-haired, mostly-unshaven nerds.

I love them. They’re all so cute. I’m at the Wizard’s Wall in Melbourne.

Apparently, every Friday night, they come together to play a popular card game called Magic: The Gathering. Have you ever been in the home where another language is predominately spoken? I’m surrounded by 30 or so non-english speakers.

I say this, not because they don’t speak English. I say this because– I just can’t comprehend the way they use it. They’re “tapping” cards to cast “spells” and from time to time, someone screams because they’re happy with the card they drew. Each card does different things, and if you play your cards right, you can walk out of there with bragging rights and some new cards. We’re nearing the third hour of “Friday Night Magic,” and Chris seems to be doing well.

I think. . .

I mean . . other people have left . . There are only about 16 or so playing, now. Either the other people lost and went home . . OR . . you can get up and leave any time, and Chris is just having fun playing. . . so he’s sticking around?

Jose is here. As is his gay brother whose name escapes me. Also Rob, a guy who shared a meal with us at Denny’s the LAST time I was here. I think his girlfriend is named Katrina.

There’s a great little Chinese place a few doors down, and I had a craving. . Yum. I had sweet & sour pork, beef, chicken, and shrimp. It was awesome. You know how a lot of places make you dig through an inch of breading to find ONE miniscule piece of meat? Not this place. The prices were reasonable, the people were nice, and the food was great.

I also . . . impressed them. I brought my own stainless steel chopsticks for dinner, and randomly– one of the owners needed a pair of scissors. Of all the random and odd things for me to be carrying? Yep.

They were in my zippered notepad. I explained this away with . . “I’m a magician.”

POP! Out popped three kids, Grandma, Mom, and Dad. Chris and I BOTH did magic tonight. I spent about 30 minutes doing all I could with a fifty cent piece, sponge balls, napkins, and comedy.

It was a great time- and I’m happy I was able to entertain. I love AND despise doing magic for children.

They’ll always believe what you say, but they believe you so much- they begin expecting the impossible. “Can you make me fly?” “Can you make me disappear?” etc etc . . It’s a lot of fun, and I’ve made up a few witty comebacks that explain why I can’t saw them in half. . . . Of course I can’t saw you in half, you didn’t bring your saw tonight, and mine’s too big to lug around in the car.

So, it looks like things may be wrapping up here soon, and I think Jose, his brother, Chris, and I will be hanging out– Most likely at Applebees or Dennys.

I know I haven’t updated as often lately, and I DO have big big big HUGE news.

But . .I’m surrounded by adorable distractions tonight talking about Geomancers. So, I’ll write my news very soon . . just not tonight.

<3 Josh

I was up and emailing clients by Ten. Woo! Dad made breakfast, too. That was great.

He and I went to the auto parts store and purchased a tire patch kit, and various other gadgets we’d need to plug my tire. . . Spent a couple hours with him total- doing odds and ends with the car . .and I also bought him some Hazelnut Iced coffee at Dunkin’ Donuts.

Spent the rest of the day between the car, good conversations, and a few IM sessions with friends. Chris <3 and I had a really great text message exchange today, too. I’ll be seeing him SOOOON!!!!! (Less than 48 hours!)

Just a quick note re: my car. I purchased it from my sister in August of 2006– a little over a year ago. While cleaning it out today, I removed her stuff. What does this mean? For the first time in one year– I have the energy to be mostly “normal”. I cleaned out my car. . . and I’m not in the hospital with excruciating pain tonight. This is definitely a victory. I had the energy! I am so happy.

I didn’t go on my walk tonight– as I really busted ass with my car and spent most of the day on my feet. I’m content with today. Tonight, I’ll snuggle into my plaid wonderland with a smile on my face and a tiny whisper . . . “Well done.”

Blogged with Flock

For the first time, in a LOOOONG time, I can say my life is on the mend. I finally became sick and poor enough to qualify for charity. While it isn’t the most dignified way of not dying . . . help equals NOT DYING. I heart life, so I’ll do anything reasonable to keep mine. Plus, I want to outlive the few uncle-fuckers who wish me dead, because I refuse to give them the pleasure of coming to my funeral. *SCRATCH* Meow!

The charity is Christian-based and the people there are VERY friendly with the exception of the chaplain who hates Unity. I pwn him regularly in theological discussions, though, so It’s actually quite fun.

Stop. Did you notice something? I’m well enough to be spicy again. Not a bitch, just not a push-over or ghost. Even if you and I don’t know each other, you should probably stop and celebrate that fact. I have ENERGY again. Also, free drugs. . . Drugs which lower my blood sugar . . and almost killed me today. I’ll tell you why in a bit, I promise.

I’m no where near my healthiest, but I am sincerely thankful that I am NO WHERE near my my weakest, either. . . And I’m just going to continue to improve. I’m feeling like little Mario after eating the super mushroom. It’s like hugs from Jesus.

To top it all off, I’m in love.

After the failures I’ve experienced- I’m hesitant to introduce any new guys to you, my friends. I mean, I was JUST talking about Tai in the last entry. What makes this new guy so different?

Everything.

I’m not one given over to frivolous emotion. I’m not one to just DIVE into a pool without knowing its temperature, and likely, I’ve researched the effects of chlorinated water on my dry skin before tip-toeing in.

I swear to God I am NOT dain bramaged. This guy is positively amazing. If you haven’t tried OkCupid and you are even REMOTELY interested in finding a person . . Just sign up already.

According to OkCupid, Chris was my

76% Match, 83% Friend, 5% Enemy

That’s their emphasis, btw. I’m not that cheesy.

He finishes my sentences and knows the punchlines to all my silly jokes. . . Friggin’ scary . . . and amazing.

I mean, you guys will have to deal with two sarcastic queers, but we’re both so darn personable, you can’t help but love us. Woot. As silly as this seems . . . I can honestly say I love him.

We’ve had more fun than I could have ever imagined, and part of than fun involves hickeys. Hickeys mean exercise which lowers blood sugar. Blood sugar reducing medication, ummm . . . Obviously reduces blood sugar.

Today, I got up with Chris (Yep, I’m in Palm Bay aka Melbourne with him) had a little breakfast, got sleepy and laid down.

If it wasn’t a zillion degrees in here, and a loud crashing noise outside . . that could have been a permanent nap. . .

I tested my blood sugar this morning (without washing my hands first. tsk tsk) and it was unusually high. I took my medicine, ate the little snacky breakfast . . got tired and laid down . .

I really SHOULD have washed my hands. Either that, or my blood sugar dropped nearly 200 points in two hours. I went from 240-something to “LOW” on the glucometer. LOW = Below 70. I know the symptoms of low blood sugar, so I immediately made two casedeas, ate a box of pockey, and drank some milk. I could BARELY walk. I was dizzy. I was shaking inside, and I could barely see.

A little while after eating, the symptoms stopped.

I’m still feeling ill, but MUCH better than before.

Now, enjoy those pictures. (Yesh, they are hickeys. Neither of us have birth marks . . we’re just having a great time. )

See pics now. <3 Josh

(For those of you unfamiliar with the Internet, click the pic for a larger image. Looking at tiny pictures is bad for your eyes. Also, your Mom asked me to remind you not to sit so close to the screen- You’ll rot your brain. Oh, and call her. She misses you :-p)

<== It’s a hickey butterfly! Very rare!

<3 <3 <3

The disease feeds depression, and depression feeds the disease. It’s complicated by the fact I visited a new doctor just a week ago. He isn’t convinced I have hemochromatosis. So, I’m going to a lab on Monday to have blood taken for DNA, liver, hepatitis, cancer, etc screenings, and seven weeks from now, we’ll have a clearer picture.

Many days, I feel like I could die from being tired. I was not prepared for this level of weakness.

Last night, Noah called and invited me to Village Inn. I hadn’t been out of the house in weeks (except for my Doctor excursion) and didn’t really feel like going out, but I agreed. They were closing soon, so I rushed to get ready and headed out the door to find my car had a flat tire.

I called Noah and asked if he could pick me up. My knight in shining convertible.

It doesn’t SEEM like much, but to me last night was everything. I’ve always wanted to ride in a convertible . . It’s something I promised my Grandma I’d do for her. . . Granted it wasn’t pink, and I wasn’t on the Las Vegas Strip . . . . It was still a convertible and it was amazing.

We rushed back to VI with Ska playing loudly and stayed until they turned out the lights. Noah then took me to Dunkin’ Dounuts so I could get a sugar free hazlenut iced coffee. Yum.

We stayed there for a few minutes talking with Reese, a fellow web geek, and drove to Circle Park (the pier) . . sat out by the lake and talked for a couple hours listening to music and talking about almost everything. I didn’t realize how much I missed kindness.

I’m Josh. Of course I’m kind. Of course I’m giving . . . That’s just . . who I am. It’s selfish in a way, because I feel happiness when I’m able to do good for others . . but . .

Last night- Looking at Lake Jackson and the stars, feeling the wind on my face in that shiny convertible- I realized. . . I need kindness too.

A good friend, simple car ride, coffee, music, and a gorgeous Florida night came together last night, and I realized how far away from “home” I’ve strayed. Enchanted nights used to be my “thing” . . but I allowed depression to force me away from home.

David doesn’t miss me. Most Sebring friends don’t either. I can continue to be bitter about it, but why? I know who I am. I know I’m a great guy and just because THEY stopped seeing it doesn’t mean I should too.

My knight in shining convertible reminded me of that. He swept me off my feet. Not in a romantic kissy kissy way . . but . . In a . .”Hey, you’re standing in a place you don’t want to be” way. Perhaps he knocked me off my feet, huh?

Thank God.

Okay, I want to go to this program designed to train and empower dedicated students to become the next generation of leaders in the global movement for change.
And I need your help to get there! 10 out of the 200 people that are getting chosen are chosen by online votes! So, here’s where you come in… PLEASE vote for me
http://www.changeit07.org/application/cheryl-l-2007-05-01

Help her out, okay? Click the link, vote for her. She’s worthy of the challenge, and I’m an extremely proud cousin.

. . . with someone a zillion miles from me.

Stupid Geography!

My advice?  Get off your ass and earn real life XP.

Not that I don’t play video games, I’ve just learned not to obsess.  Instead, I focus my energies on REAL Life.

I’m constantly amazed by the good springing forth in my life lately.  It all began with The Secret (Extended Edition) I can’t say enough good stuff about it.  My local friends should set a time to come over and watch it, because it’s really amazing stuff.

I’m doing things I’ve wanted to for so long, and suddenly — It’s manifesting.

I went shopping with Thor  on Wednesday afternoon, and had such a GREAT time.  We went to the big mall at Millinea (sp) and the outlet stores next to Mary Queen of the Universe church.  Next, we got lost.

An hour and a half later (10:30 pm or so) we were at Kobe Japanese Steakhouse on International Drive.  That night, neither of us stuck to our diets.  Sake + Sushi + Shrimp + Scallops = Sin.  Good sin.  Yummy, tasty, delicious, SIN!

I still lost two pounds!  So there.  It goes to show what cutting out extra snacks and crap will do for ya . . . You get to eat like a starving person once per week.

Friday, I met up with a really nice guy named  Noah. That led to hanging out with 13 new friends at Mugs & Movies to see The Number 23 starring Jim Carrey.   While I wasn’t really impressed by the movie, I was really impressed that such a great group of people existed in Sebring.  Noah’s a super-cool guy and I’m looking forward to the fun and nerdy stuff we’ll do.

I also bought lots of weight-loss stuff and became a gold card member at GNC.  The people there are so cool.  I can’t believe I felt intimidated walking past that place.  They told me they really eat cheeseburgers in the back room.  I fell in love instantly.

Other News: 

• I’m naming my bed “the gym.”
• I’m down to 265 pounds from an all-time high of 315 about a year ago.
• Thor has a MySpace
• My Grandpa’s 75th birthday surprise party today– He was shocked.
• I’ll be in Tampa with my sister tomorrow. (Today if you want to be technical.)
• I’ll be helping her friends purchase a computer, and setting it up for them like a good person.  Then my sister will feed me.
• I drink slime at least once per day.
• I also consume a good deal of caffeine.
• I like bulleted text.
• So I’ll type . . .
• Just a few more lines . . .
• To get my fix.

I had a great talk with Mike last night.  He’s a good friend, and I’m so glad we met. 

Magic is everywhere, and so . . I live for today, and I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time.

(((Bear Hugs)))  Until next time.  Take care of yourself, okay?

On the soul level, I’ve been feeling a tad depressed, but I’m reading The Re-enchantment of Everyday Life

It’s one of the most soulful, healing, and encouraging books I’ve read. Thomas Moore weaves a web of soulful stories; encouraging readers to re-enchant every day life and believe in “magic.”

If you’re looking for a good Christmas gift to share with a friend- especially one going through a tough time, this book comes with my blessing.

It’s cooling down here. The weather guy said to expect a “seasonal” Thanksgiving. I’m very excited to be spending with David and friends, but I’m missing my family– Nothing beats Mom’s Thanksgiving.

Love to all,

Josh

]]> http://sanemedia.net/mylife/2006/10/19/greuenwold-cottage/feed/ 1 http://sanemedia.net/mylife/2006/10/07/regarding-my-life/ http://sanemedia.net/mylife/2006/10/07/regarding-my-life/#comments Sat, 07 Oct 2006 09:33:01 +0000 Josh http://sanemedia.net/mylife/2006/10/07/regarding-my-life/ Wow, so much to say- in so little time.

First of all, I’m tired as hell, but it’s a good thing. I’ve spent the day with the greatest people I have ever known. One day, my heart will be mature enough to express the overwhelming sense of gratitude I feel. I’m grateful for my hubby, my friends, my family, and all of the wealth I’ve accumulated over the years.

You see, my bank account doesn’t understand how rich I am. I truely am a “rags to riches” story- straight out of the fairy tales.

Four years ago, I moved into a little one-bedroom apartment with somebody I loved a lot. He didn’t work, but he didn’t really have to. We were brokeass mountain, but “love” made me feel rich. Of course, it was really my desire to feel loved . . and not really love. I was in love with the IDEA.

A broken heart, and a WEALTH of knowledge later, I met David. Wow- what a complete breath of fresh air. We grew to love eachother pretty quickly, and had our somewhat rocky points, but we’re still together, and I love him more each and every day.

He’s shown me what real love is, and how to love even when I didn’t feel like it. Our love has grown over these last few years, and I pray everyday, that I can live up to expressing my gratitude for such amazing times.

While they haven’t been present in my everyday life, friends have not gone unnoticed or unappreciated. At school, I was the smart “goody goody” that made people wanna puke, and found it difficult to interact with people around me. It’s not easy being the fat kid, but at least I looked fairly strong.

In the last few months, old friendships have blossomed, and new ones have grown. I am amazed how rich I am. My bank account DOESN’T understand!!!!! I had more fun with $40 today than many millionaires. I went to Lakeland with Keith and explored its mall, met a really cool preacher’s kid who now works at HotTopic, got a messenger bag, and ate some great shrimp!

Later this evening, we got back into Sebring, finished getting a few knicknacks for Keith’s halloween outfit, and then met up with Amanda, John, Jonathan, and THOR (he’s back from hiking)!!! Our waiter at Chili’s sucked ass, but it was so good being with everybody.

I find myself . . sitting back . . . and just . . drinking them in for a few moments. Everybody was laughing, joking, talking, and having a blast. Except Jonathan, but he’s bitchy like that. I still love him.

We parted ways, and Amanda, Keith, and I went back to her place. I saw my two ex-roomies who I’m working really hard to forgive .. outside Amanda’s, but I remained calm and casually ignored them.

Once inside, Keith put on his halloween costume for us . . and paraded around posing for pictures. I almost fell off Amanda’s sofa when Keith (who was a bit drunk) was posing on the kitchen counter raised up a bit too high and SMACKED his head into her light. She had just said “Watch your head!”

After hanging out til’ almost midnight, Keith took me back to my one-bedroom apartment.

I’ve spent some really great times here. I’ve had plenty of sucky ones, too. . . but soon. . . maybe tomorrow . . (actually today since it’s 5:00 a.m. and I can’t sleep) My time in this place will be done.

My roomie screwed me bigtime. I gave too much, perhaps. I should have thrown him out the first time he grabbed my arm in anger. A few months, and a dirty apartment later, he signed a lease on a new place- planning on me moving, too.

I asked him to clean up because we had a “move out” inspection, and instead of doing his fair share, I came home looking at a pig stye. Although I hadn’t eaten at home for over a month, he somehow felt I should clean the kitchen. . . and even though it was his feces on the floor of my bathroom, I should mop it up. I disagreed. Strongly.

Like any good abuser, he’s great at justifying his actions, and perhaps he’ll never be held to account for them. I take solace in the fact that I acted in integrity, and even though I was VERY VERY VERY PISSED, I gave him all of his stuff- and let him take things he had given to me in payment (aka the TV- because he hadn’t paid rent for 4 months).
One day, I’ll completely forgive/forget him and move on. Probably a lot sooner than him, because I don’t owe him anything.

As far as what he owes me . . . with his recent computer purchases, desks, furniture, and whatnot– although he promised to do the right thing and pay his share of the bills for the time he was here . . . I’d rather just free myself from being angry about the money. If he ever grows a conscience, he’ll do the right thing. I know his current BF tried sleeping with every person I brought over to hang out with. . . so . . . my ex-roomie will probably face the same challenge I face now. . . The good thing, however, is I have friends who love me for who I am. Video games and bacon make poor friends, dear ex-roomie. I sincerely hope you DON’T face this, because your support structure leaves much to be desired.

It happened in the early part of September. I couldn’t bring myself to write about it, because it’s painful. . but as my memories of him fade, and I spend time with my friends, my life improves.

The money is a small price to pay to remove abuse from my life. Many would give millions if they could.
I had a client ALSO break a contract with me. I don’t have the money to pursue him in court right now. While one problem or the other would have been critical but surmountable, the combination is more than my bank account can understand.

So, as rich as I am. . with experience . . life lessons . . friends . . love . . and family . .

I can’t sell them to pay my rent! Nor would I want to!!!

So, I might be offically “homeless” soon. Maybe today.
Okay, not “homeless” in the sleeping-under-a-bridge sense, but “homeless” in the “I’m rich with friends who love and care for me” sense.

Every need I’ve ever had has been met. Period. I will not die from this. Period.

So, it’s just a challenge, and a chance for more life lessons. I’m excited about what opportunities lay in store for me. Perhaps I went crazy when my roomie attacked me, but I’m going to enjoy my insanity as long as it lasts.

I am driving to California very soon. . . to be with David, the love of my life.

It might be tight for a while, of course, it might NOT be, either. We’re pretty good together as far as money-making goes.

Either way, this might be my last blog entry for a while.

Wish me luck, please. Pray if you like. Just call me sometime and make sure I’m eating, and I have enough time on my World of Warcraft account!

Your wealthy friend,

Josh