I couldn’t help but laugh.

Read the article I’ve linked to. . . Wow.  Some folks are just ridiculous.

Blogged with Flock

CARLSON: Let me — let me put it this way. Whether he’s gay or not actually is not our business, and I do think it’s indefensible that the newspaper in Idaho spent a year interviewing 300 people to answer the question, Is he gay? That’s none of your business. Having sex in a public men’s room is outrageous. It’s also really common. I’ve been bothered in men’s rooms.

He goes on to say:

CARLSON: — people should knock that off. I’m not anti-gay in the slightest, but that’s really common, and the gay rights groups ought to disavow that kind of crap because, you know, that actually does bother people who didn’t ask for being bothered. So yeah, I think it’s outrageous that he did that. And also, this specter of him getting up there and blaming other people is so Clintonian. You know, if he just said, “I’m not going to talk about it,” that’d be one thing.

. . . .

ABRAMS: Tucker, what did you do, by the way? What did you do when he did that? We got to know.

CARLSON: I went back with someone I knew and grabbed the guy by the — you know, and grabbed him, and — and –

ABRAMS: And did what?

CARLSON: Hit him against the stall with his head, actually!

[laughter]

CARLSON: And then the cops came and arrested him. But let me say that I’m the least anti-gay right-winger you’ll ever meet –

[laughter]

CARLSON: — but I do think doing this in men’s rooms appears to be common. It’s totally wrong, and they should knock it off. I mean that. I think it’s — I can’t bring my son to the men’s room at the park where he plays soccer because of all these creepy guys hanging around in there. I actually think it’s a problem. I’m sorry.

—

It’s common, Tucker? Really? Is it common to assault women who flirt with you, too? I’m not anti-straight in the least . . therefore, I will not attack a woman who flirted with me. Yes, it bothers me when they do. I mean, can’t they see my well-moisturized face, manicured nails, stylish shirts and get a clue? Their advances aren’t welcome, but I’m not going to assault them for “bothering” me.

I’m compelled to cry “foul”. Imus gets thrown off the air (I’m not opposed to that decision), but Tucker Carlson isn’t even admonished for admitting he assaulted a guy for “bothering” him? What is bothering, anyway? In the very least, Carlson should clarify his comments.

Carlson’s statements clearly showed he wasn’t in physical danger. He left and came back with a friend to attack the man. It’s ridiculous that the “not anti-gay” Carlson laughed while recalling the event.

Further, public sex isn’t rampant. I’ve asked around and haven’t found one guy, gay or straight, who has been “bothered” in a restroom. Granted, Washington D.C. seems like a crazier place than central Florida, but if the park he takes his son is full of creepy men- maybe he should call the police.

And . . Maybe . . assault . . is NEVER an appropriate action to take when the only injury you’ve suffered is a bruised ego.

For the first time, in a LOOOONG time, I can say my life is on the mend. I finally became sick and poor enough to qualify for charity. While it isn’t the most dignified way of not dying . . . help equals NOT DYING. I heart life, so I’ll do anything reasonable to keep mine. Plus, I want to outlive the few uncle-fuckers who wish me dead, because I refuse to give them the pleasure of coming to my funeral. *SCRATCH* Meow!

The charity is Christian-based and the people there are VERY friendly with the exception of the chaplain who hates Unity. I pwn him regularly in theological discussions, though, so It’s actually quite fun.

Stop. Did you notice something? I’m well enough to be spicy again. Not a bitch, just not a push-over or ghost. Even if you and I don’t know each other, you should probably stop and celebrate that fact. I have ENERGY again. Also, free drugs. . . Drugs which lower my blood sugar . . and almost killed me today. I’ll tell you why in a bit, I promise.

I’m no where near my healthiest, but I am sincerely thankful that I am NO WHERE near my my weakest, either. . . And I’m just going to continue to improve. I’m feeling like little Mario after eating the super mushroom. It’s like hugs from Jesus.

To top it all off, I’m in love.

After the failures I’ve experienced- I’m hesitant to introduce any new guys to you, my friends. I mean, I was JUST talking about Tai in the last entry. What makes this new guy so different?

Everything.

I’m not one given over to frivolous emotion. I’m not one to just DIVE into a pool without knowing its temperature, and likely, I’ve researched the effects of chlorinated water on my dry skin before tip-toeing in.

I swear to God I am NOT dain bramaged. This guy is positively amazing. If you haven’t tried OkCupid and you are even REMOTELY interested in finding a person . . Just sign up already.

According to OkCupid, Chris was my

76% Match, 83% Friend, 5% Enemy

That’s their emphasis, btw. I’m not that cheesy.

He finishes my sentences and knows the punchlines to all my silly jokes. . . Friggin’ scary . . . and amazing.

I mean, you guys will have to deal with two sarcastic queers, but we’re both so darn personable, you can’t help but love us. Woot. As silly as this seems . . . I can honestly say I love him.

We’ve had more fun than I could have ever imagined, and part of than fun involves hickeys. Hickeys mean exercise which lowers blood sugar. Blood sugar reducing medication, ummm . . . Obviously reduces blood sugar.

Today, I got up with Chris (Yep, I’m in Palm Bay aka Melbourne with him) had a little breakfast, got sleepy and laid down.

If it wasn’t a zillion degrees in here, and a loud crashing noise outside . . that could have been a permanent nap. . .

I tested my blood sugar this morning (without washing my hands first. tsk tsk) and it was unusually high. I took my medicine, ate the little snacky breakfast . . got tired and laid down . .

I really SHOULD have washed my hands. Either that, or my blood sugar dropped nearly 200 points in two hours. I went from 240-something to “LOW” on the glucometer. LOW = Below 70. I know the symptoms of low blood sugar, so I immediately made two casedeas, ate a box of pockey, and drank some milk. I could BARELY walk. I was dizzy. I was shaking inside, and I could barely see.

A little while after eating, the symptoms stopped.

I’m still feeling ill, but MUCH better than before.

Now, enjoy those pictures. (Yesh, they are hickeys. Neither of us have birth marks . . we’re just having a great time. )

See pics now. <3 Josh

(For those of you unfamiliar with the Internet, click the pic for a larger image. Looking at tiny pictures is bad for your eyes. Also, your Mom asked me to remind you not to sit so close to the screen- You’ll rot your brain. Oh, and call her. She misses you :-p)

<== It’s a hickey butterfly! Very rare!

<3 <3 <3

I’ve been trying to get into “Dynamics for Living” by Charles Fillmore, but it was compiled in the 60′s and many of his examples don’t fit my everyday life.

I do, however, like that his “mission” is to prove God– and not ask anyone to believe anything by faith.  Pure logic and observation are being used to overcome doubts- instead of faith, smoke, and mirrors.

Right now, I’m chatting with my friend Tome on Meebo.com, listening to the radio, and enjoying the cool Florida breeze blowing through the open window of my parents’ dining room.

Tome recently came out to his boss and a good friend.  I’m very proud of him for having the courage to stand up and say “This is me, and I’m okay with it.”

It’s a big step.  Especialy in the U.S..  Self-acceptance is viewed by many as egotistical and shallow, when, in truth, It’s one of the most humble, honest, things one can do. 

Way to go, Tome.  I’m so proud of you!  Stand up, boy.  Be proud of who you are.  Now that you’re openly, honestly, embracing who you are- watch your life open all kinds of new, exciting opportunities.

I’ll be cheering you on!

Mainly, because I’m not a great writer.  I don’t have patience like some others, and spend hours each day scouring over dictionairies and the like- imporoving my vocabulary.  Enough rambling about that.

In the last month, I’ve come to learn that my health is probably a bit worse than I thought and that my life, in fact, is in danger.  I made a commitment to myself that I would start LIVING, so that my date of death corresponds with the day my body stops moving.  I don’t want to live a “dead” life until I stop breathing from boredom or depression because I waited too long to live.

It’s strange really, what a change of thought will do.  In all other aspects of my life, I’ve remained the same.  I’m not walking around in different clothes or anything, just a different state of mind.

suddenly, *poof*, Out of the blue (which is just another of God’s name, in my view) new friends have begun to appear.

Brady’s been around for a bit, but he recently introduced me to Amanda.  She rocks my world.  She always seems to have something positive (or kinky lol) to say, and I know she knows what it’s like to not feel your best.  We get along on so many levels, and I just love her to pieces.

He’s also introduced me to Jeff, Jake, April, and Mags.  While I haven’t had as much time as I’d like to get to know the first three, Mags and I spent a couple hours on IM not too long ago, and it was like talking to myself. . . it’s so strange that two people could have such similar views on this universe.

Now, at work– Keith, a really sweet guy with a great sense of style started talking with me.  Before i knew it, he invited me to go out with him, his partner, and Kim- the funniest person I think I’ve ever met.  We saw X-Men 3 together, and had such a great time.

Today, Keith and I went to see Over The Hedge, and then went to Chili’s.  Wow. What a great time.  It’s so great to know there’s a chaser (he calls himself a trapper because he likes bears and chubs) in town.  He’s with such a great guy, too, and I can see they love each other a lot.   I have a feeling we’ll exchange lots of tips.  *giggles*  I don’t think either Gary (his partner) or David (My partner) will mind a bit!  LOL . . two guys so passionate about larger guys . . sharing pointers . . Yeah, both Gary and David will benefit.

I’m falling asleep at the computer, but I had to put in a little update.

Josh

This is him, my “one.”

I thought I had found love before, but I had no comprehension of the term. He’s amazing in every way, and not a day goes by that I don’t think of him.

Now, before you pass any judgements on the “Long Distance Relationship” thing, hear me out. David and I met by accident. We aren’t really sure how, but we had appeared on each other’s AIM buddy list. Our first words to each other were “Who are you?”

I was sitting at my desk, newly hired on as the network administrator for a Golf Resort, and had just installed Trillian. I logged in, and suddenly, up popped

“Who are you?”
I replied with . . “I’m Josh. Who are you?”
“David.”
I typed “Hi, David. Do I know you?”
“I was just about to ask you the same thing.”
“Well, David, there are only a few reasons why I’d be on your buddy list,” I typed, “I’m a computer nerd, I’m a magician, and I’m gay. Are you any of those?”
“I’m a computer nerd, and I’m gay too,” he typed.
“Awesome.”
“I’m at work, but I get off tonight if you want to type more,” He invited conversation- this is a good thing. “Okay, I work late, but I’ll try to be on around ten.” I was intrigued.
“Bye”
“Bye”

It’s not the most glorious of “first chats,” but it was ours.

Later that night, I logged on. I felt rather silly for waiting around for a guy I didn’t know, but something told me he might be important. The Resort had been taking a lot out of me- early days and late nights, but it served as a wonderful distraction from my pain. You see, a few months earlier, the guy I thought I’d be with forever left me $6,000 poorer than I had started- for my best friend. Of course, not before trying to kill me.

Work was a welcome distraction from the silent clutches of my empty life. Sure, I had friends and a good relationship with my parents, but sleeping alone was strange and I didn’t want to think about it. As you’ll see from my chat, I probably wasn’t ready for him, but I’m so thankful he was ready for me.

We had chatted for a few minutes before this log was saved, so . . join in the conversation.

It happened March 19, 2004

COrPsys2000 (1:18:59 AM): lol
JoshuNoShougai wants to directly connect (1:19:19 AM).
COrPsys2000 cancels request; no connection was made. (Note: For best results, you and your buddy should use the latest version of AIM.) (1:19:36 AM).
COrPsys2000 wants to directly connect (1:19:37 AM).
JoshuNoShougai (1:19:54 AM): There. I clicked accept- it should be all good.
COrPsys2000 (1:20:15 AM): nm
COrPsys2000 (1:20:17 AM): lol
COrPsys2000 (1:21:21 AM): ???
JoshuNoShougai (1:22:18 AM): Just hoping against hope.
COrPsys2000 (1:22:31 AM): lol
JoshuNoShougai (1:22:54 AM): I connect w/ people through this all the time. I just don’t understand.
COrPsys2000 (1:23:12 AM): dont worry bout it
JoshuNoShougai (1:23:14 AM): *breathes* Let it go, Josh…. Just let it go. . . lol
JoshuNoShougai (1:23:28 AM): ^_^
JoshuNoShougai (1:23:52 AM): Well, if you wanna send whatever you were sending- you may send via email to sanesolutions@earthlink.net
COrPsys2000 (1:24:33 AM): it was just a pic of me….
JoshuNoShougai (1:24:44 AM): My BC profile address is http://www.biggercity.com/magijosh
JoshuNoShougai (1:25:21 AM): Well, I know it must be cute. . because 99% of nice guys are.
COrPsys2000 is idle at 1:26:46 AM.
COrPsys2000 (1:29:09 AM): brb
COrPsys2000 is no longer idle at 1:29:17 AM.
JoshuNoShougai (1:29:34 AM): okay.
COrPsys2000 is idle at 1:31:17 AM.
COrPsys2000 is away at 1:50:17 AM.
COrPsys2000 returned at 1:54:18 AM.
COrPsys2000 (1:54:45 AM): im back
JoshuNoShougai (1:54:52 AM): wb
COrPsys2000 (1:56:29 AM): so sup
JoshuNoShougai (1:56:57 AM): Not much here- just looking through the contest on bc . .
JoshuNoShougai (1:57:05 AM): hoping I’ll find someone nice.
JoshuNoShougai (1:57:06 AM): lol
COrPsys2000 is idle at 1:57:29 AM.
COrPsys2000 is no longer idle at 1:57:45 AM.
COrPsys2000 (1:59:27 AM): you know… i used to go through the personals on BC and i would always see your prof. and think he has got to be fun and outgoing… probably taken
JoshuNoShougai (2:00:31 AM): I thought I was taken- til my boy left me for my best friend back in jan.
COrPsys2000 (2:00:46 AM):
COrPsys2000 (2:00:50 AM): sorry
JoshuNoShougai (2:01:22 AM): I’m not. He didn’t love me- so I was wasting my time.
COrPsys2000 (2:01:32 AM):
JoshuNoShougai (2:01:57 AM): I’m all about not wasting time, ya know? Life is too busy to be worrying about stuff.
COrPsys2000 (2:02:05 AM): true
JoshuNoShougai (2:02:24 AM): I could spend my time being angry (and trust me, I was) or bitter (I’m trying not to be) . . but it’s not worth it.
JoshuNoShougai (2:02:33 AM): It’ll just kill me sooner.
COrPsys2000 (2:03:20 AM): so tell me about yourself?
COrPsys2000 is idle at 2:04:20 AM.
JoshuNoShougai (2:04:38 AM): My ambition- my goal- my desire- is that when I’ve finished my life- I can honestly say that I lived my own life. .
JoshuNoShougai (2:05:15 AM): I try to be uniquely myself- and happy.
JoshuNoShougai (2:05:40 AM): Ummm. . I’m not too bad on the “looks” side of things. I’ve only blinded a few people.
COrPsys2000 is no longer idle at 2:05:53 AM.
JoshuNoShougai (2:06:13 AM): I spend most of my free time hanging out @ a gourmet store in downtown Sebring- I’ve become good friends with the owners . .
JoshuNoShougai (2:06:49 AM): Yay for Soppresetta and Raspberry Wasabi!
JoshuNoShougai (2:07:23 AM): I always try to find the humor in things. . . even though It’s somewhat dark humor.
COrPsys2000 (2:08:09 AM): true
JoshuNoShougai (2:08:10 AM): Now that I’ve filled you with one-line blurbs about myself- you’re most likely sleeping ^_^
COrPsys2000 (2:09:05 AM): no
COrPsys2000 is idle at 2:11:19 AM.
COrPsys2000 is no longer idle at 2:12:00 AM.
COrPsys2000 is idle at 2:12:54 AM.
COrPsys2000 (2:14:00 AM): im sorry im not talkative.. i am cleaning my apt off and on
COrPsys2000 is no longer idle at 2:14:02 AM.
JoshuNoShougai (2:14:10 AM): You’re a very quiet David. It’s tough to get most Davids I know to be quiet.
JoshuNoShougai (2:14:35 AM): Of course, I worked in an Office with three people named David . .
JoshuNoShougai (2:14:56 AM): They were accountants- and accountants are very boisterous people.
JoshuNoShougai (2:15:06 AM): It’s okay, D, I should be doing the same, but I’m not.
COrPsys2000 is idle at 2:16:27 AM.
COrPsys2000 is no longer idle at 2:17:04 AM.
COrPsys2000 (2:17:42 AM): and done..
JoshuNoShougai (2:17:52 AM):
COrPsys2000 (2:20:00 AM): so what are you lookin for in a guy
JoshuNoShougai (2:20:34 AM): That’s an excellent question. . .
JoshuNoShougai (2:21:00 AM): Romance, for one thing . . someone who can be sweet- and’ll let me be sweet too . .
JoshuNoShougai (2:21:18 AM): Honesty is #1, though, because I can’t help but carry baggage from my ex.
COrPsys2000 (2:21:57 AM): true
JoshuNoShougai (2:23:02 AM): My ultimate Mr. Right . . would let me be completely vulnerable . . and he’d stay completely sweet. . but that’d be my life partner. .if he’d do likewise.
JoshuNoShougai (2:23:55 AM): It may sound like a bunch of unattainable stuff, but I’m certain Mr. Right is out there. . .
COrPsys2000 (2:28:02 AM): well just so ya know…. I am 5’9 290 the cuddlyest teddy in the world… could’nt hurt a fly… Masculent (i do have afew manurisms i picked up from the club) blue eyes blonde hair… trusting… always placing others needs before my own…. and to prove it all i have not a 1 enemy or person who has taken me for a mean person..
JoshuNoShougai (2:29:25 AM): That is a very sweet description.
COrPsys2000 (2:29:42 AM):
JoshuNoShougai (2:29:42 AM): I’m also a “no enemies” guy.
JoshuNoShougai (2:29:47 AM): ^_^
COrPsys2000 (2:31:38 AM): i am looking for that person who will make me whole… a masc to neutral guy who is sweet kind funny outgoing and compromising (not Dominant or submisive)
COrPsys2000 (2:33:14 AM): basically i am looking for my matching card… in this game of pick and choose
JoshuNoShougai (2:33:27 AM): Yeah . .
JoshuNoShougai (2:33:35 AM): Matching card . . I like that.
COrPsys2000 (2:34:12 AM):
COrPsys2000 (2:34:23 AM):
COrPsys2000 (2:35:55 AM): hello?
JoshuNoShougai (2:36:01 AM): I’m here.
COrPsys2000 (2:36:17 AM): you got quiet yourself there hehe
COrPsys2000 (2:36:24 AM): so how old are ya?
JoshuNoShougai (2:36:49 AM): I’m a youngn’
JoshuNoShougai (2:36:56 AM): 22
COrPsys2000 (2:37:03 AM): lol
COrPsys2000 (2:37:11 AM): im younger 20
COrPsys2000 (2:37:15 AM): hehe
JoshuNoShougai (2:37:17 AM): Really?
COrPsys2000 (2:37:33 AM): yep… hope that doesn’t bother you
JoshuNoShougai (2:37:47 AM): OMG!!!! I was so scared you were going to say 45
JoshuNoShougai (2:38:01 AM): I’m actually laughing with relief.
COrPsys2000 (2:38:01 AM): lol
COrPsys2000 (2:38:47 AM): ok i cant lie to you you are too sweet i am really 13
JoshuNoShougai (2:39:32 AM): There’s quite a difference between 20 and 13, dear.
COrPsys2000 (2:40:19 AM): LMAO j/k… my bday is in 12/83 i can show my birth cirtificate i am 20 … just some sick humor of my own
JoshuNoShougai (2:40:53 AM): I pretty much knew- – because most 13 year olds wouldn’t use the word “masc” to describe masculine.
JoshuNoShougai (2:41:08 AM): But then I thought . . ut oh . . what if he’s had a really bad childhood.
JoshuNoShougai (2:41:08 AM): lol
COrPsys2000 (2:41:09 AM): that was cute… your whole parent figure lingo took over…
JoshuNoShougai (2:41:19 AM):
JoshuNoShougai (2:42:14 AM): I’m an uncle. . what can I say?
JoshuNoShougai (2:42:41 AM): My nephew’s nine . . and that’s only four years away from 13.
COrPsys2000 (2:42:42 AM): lol… so am i… my neice is 7 this dec.
JoshuNoShougai (2:43:12 AM): I have another nephew who’ll be four in July.
COrPsys2000 (2:43:16 AM): she is my pride and joy
JoshuNoShougai (2:43:23 AM): Same with my nephews.
JoshuNoShougai (2:43:41 AM): When I moved to WA State two summers ago- – I cried because I missed them.
JoshuNoShougai (2:44:52 AM): So, KS is your home state?
COrPsys2000 (2:45:00 AM): i cant tell my sis about who i am… she is phobic… and would never let me see my neice again… that would be the end of the world for me…
COrPsys2000 (2:45:06 AM): no
COrPsys2000 (2:45:13 AM): FL is my home state
COrPsys2000 (2:45:31 AM): just thinkin of movin for business oppertunities
JoshuNoShougai (2:45:42 AM): OIC
COrPsys2000 (2:45:52 AM): and the right guy just has not come along for me
COrPsys2000 (2:46:23 AM): so i am thinkin he must have moved out of state ya know… hehe
JoshuNoShougai (2:46:30 AM): I thought I was soooo set. *SURPRISE!*
COrPsys2000 (2:46:46 AM): ???
JoshuNoShougai (2:46:48 AM): You’ll have the right guy, I’m sure. Good things take time, babe.
JoshuNoShougai (2:46:59 AM): Well, with my bf . . I thought for sure I had Mr. Right. .
JoshuNoShougai (2:47:06 AM): Okay, that was a lie.
COrPsys2000 (2:47:19 AM): Grrr… Time is of the essence
JoshuNoShougai (2:47:24 AM): I had an underlying feeling of “Him? Really?”
COrPsys2000 (2:47:34 AM):
COrPsys2000 (2:47:44 AM): its hard to let go isn’t it
COrPsys2000 (2:47:48 AM): ???
JoshuNoShougai (2:48:05 AM): You do know you’re allowed to enjoy life being single, right?
JoshuNoShougai (2:48:12 AM): Yes and no.
JoshuNoShougai (2:48:38 AM): I have good and bad days.
JoshuNoShougai (2:48:48 AM): Ya’ caught me on a bad one.
COrPsys2000 (2:49:03 AM): i was with my first BF for 5 yrs… and one bad day was all it took to break us up…It has now been 3 yrs and i am ready to stop being single
JoshuNoShougai (2:49:12 AM): My best friend is breaking up with her boyfriend . . and it just stirred up some sad feelings- listening to her cry.
COrPsys2000 (2:49:37 AM): it took over 2.5 yrs to be ready though
COrPsys2000 (2:49:51 AM):
COrPsys2000 (2:49:55 AM): sorry to hear that
JoshuNoShougai (2:50:22 AM): Not to be forward or anything- but I might be a quick healer. *grins*
JoshuNoShougai (2:50:24 AM): lol
COrPsys2000 (2:50:27 AM): i think your great and he was an ass hole to cheat on an angel such as yourself
COrPsys2000 (2:51:16 AM): someone will scoop you up real quick… your a catch and a half
JoshuNoShougai (2:51:20 AM): I’m a firm believer that everyone does the best they possibly can. No one wants to screw things up . . people do their best- but some things just aren’t cool.
JoshuNoShougai (2:52:06 AM): Moi? I’ve only had three unique people respond to my personal. . .
COrPsys2000 (2:52:23 AM): Psychos! right
JoshuNoShougai (2:52:37 AM): One calls me beautiful and delicious . . one is very close to my Dad’s age . .
JoshuNoShougai (2:52:54 AM): and the other guy is in his mid 40′s and lives in connecticut.
JoshuNoShougai (2:53:14 AM): Beautiful & delicious guy sent me the same eNote five times in the last two weeks.
JoshuNoShougai (2:53:27 AM): Meaning- he’s a hooker-upper.
JoshuNoShougai (2:54:31 AM): *puts on some Josh Groban*
COrPsys2000 (2:54:56 AM): same here one was mean and racist, another turned into an overbearing stalker after meeting him for the first time, and the last one wont talk to me anymore because i told him i wanted to get to know him before anything happened and that i am no longer into casual sex and coffee
JoshuNoShougai (2:55:29 AM): I bet the overbearing stalker was named Terry.
JoshuNoShougai (2:55:45 AM): Racism is so fucking ignorant.
JoshuNoShougai (2:55:57 AM): How profoundly stupid does one have to be?
COrPsys2000 (2:56:10 AM): nope Rich aka Rich20FL… i have pretty much given up on the online dating game
JoshuNoShougai (2:56:30 AM): OMG, I almost messaged Rich20FL . .
COrPsys2000 (2:56:37 AM): dont do it
JoshuNoShougai (2:56:44 AM): Thanks for the heads up on him- I’ll pull ‘em off my buddy list.\
COrPsys2000 (2:56:45 AM): !!!
JoshuNoShougai (2:57:21 AM): *gone*
JoshuNoShougai (2:57:55 AM): Stay away from a guy named Terry- a music student in central FL.
JoshuNoShougai (2:58:33 AM): He did everything he could to make me “enjoy his company”.
COrPsys2000 (2:58:47 AM): i was talking to him online one day and he seemed really cool…. so he called me (He sounded as if he had a speach impediment) but i thought thats ok he is sweet…. a mo. later we met so we could hang out in person… at picnic island… we were talking and….
COrPsys2000 (3:00:34 AM): he started moving closer to me and groping me… i was like what are you doin… he said im sorry… andi shrugged it off…. later we went to his place to watch a movie and he came over and trapped me… and groped mee some more…. i said no atleat 10 times… but he kept going…
JoshuNoShougai (3:01:22 AM): My friend Jason had to threaten to kill him before he stopped stalking him @ work.
COrPsys2000 (3:01:40 AM): i wont lie ima n average guy you get messed with enough somethin is bound to happen… and it did…. long story short that was my first and last one night stand
COrPsys2000 (3:02:21 AM): i was tested 3 mo later and again after 6 mo…
JoshuNoShougai (3:02:35 AM): It’s all water under the bridge.
JoshuNoShougai (3:04:00 AM): I don’t blame you for the tests. I was tested because of my ex’s love for guys. .
COrPsys2000 (3:04:06 AM): we still talked … i felt bad that it happened… i didn’t want to be like every other fuk em’ and leave ass hole out ther… and one day he was like are you cheating on me…. i was like what we are not together… this type of psycho crap went on for about 8 mo….
JoshuNoShougai (3:04:25 AM): oh wow.
COrPsys2000 (3:04:59 AM): told my luck sux!
COrPsys2000 (3:05:00 AM): hehe
JoshuNoShougai (3:05:22 AM): Change your mind, change your world, babe.
JoshuNoShougai (3:05:38 AM): That’s what I’m hoping for, anyway *lol*
COrPsys2000 (3:05:40 AM): ???huh??? explain
JoshuNoShougai (3:06:03 AM): Without getting to spiritual or anything . .
JoshuNoShougai (3:06:29 AM): I believe that every thought and word . . is like a “prayer” . . to whoever God is . .
JoshuNoShougai (3:06:39 AM): or spirit . . or fill in the blank . .
JoshuNoShougai (3:06:51 AM): and I believe that force always says yes. .
JoshuNoShougai (3:07:14 AM): So, by changing one’s thoughts . . one can change the world.
JoshuNoShougai (3:07:31 AM): All of that “Peace begins with me” stuff. .
COrPsys2000 (3:07:39 AM): i dont follow….
COrPsys2000 (3:08:29 AM): sorry…im not to religious… used to be strict mormon till they turned there back on my family
JoshuNoShougai (3:08:34 AM): I think that when things happen in my life- it is because I have subconsiously requested and/or needed that experience.
COrPsys2000 (3:09:10 AM): well i did crave somone you truely cared for me…
COrPsys2000 (3:10:14 AM): and he did… just way to much too soon
COrPsys2000 (3:10:22 AM): you know…
JoshuNoShougai (3:10:43 AM): In my own life, I see so many times I think to myself “I want this, but I’ll never have it” or “Wouldn’t it be nice if . . .” Instead of believeing that I can have it . .and I’m worthy of it.
JoshuNoShougai (3:10:53 AM): He didn’t respect your personal space.
COrPsys2000 (3:12:12 AM): i have the same problem… i always say… I want… What if… It would be nice… instead of… I will … I am …. etc…
JoshuNoShougai (3:12:25 AM): My Dad is a hard-core conservative christian minister . . and my Mom is his sidekick. So, I know what growing up in a strict religious home is like.
JoshuNoShougai (3:13:05 AM): LOL I came out on September 9, 2001 . . two days before the world blew up.
JoshuNoShougai (3:13:10 AM): Of course, I was to blame.
JoshuNoShougai (3:13:11 AM):
JoshuNoShougai (3:14:21 AM): You know, I’m really enjoying our conversation.
JoshuNoShougai (3:14:48 AM): It’s been a while since I’ve chatted with a nice guy via IM.
JoshuNoShougai (3:17:04 AM): ?
COrPsys2000 (3:17:05 AM): i known who i was since i was 9 and have been out since 11 except parents… few yrs later dad died (never told him, he would have disowned me on his death bed)… shortly after mom came (WOW what a surprise… not something i wanna have in common with mom… hehe)… and about a yr ago when i moved out i told my mom and told her not to tell my sisters … and that i would do it on my own time… i told one sis about 3 mo ago and she flipped… so as you can imagine it was easy to reverse (ppl beleive only what they want to)… too scared to tell the other sis because my neice is my life….
JoshuNoShougai (3:17:45 AM): awwww.
JoshuNoShougai (3:18:26 AM): That would be something very interesting to have in common with your mother.
COrPsys2000 (3:18:56 AM): so that is my out story… its pretty much if your a friend or gay yourself you know… if not you would never guess…. hehe
COrPsys2000 (3:19:05 AM): it is
COrPsys2000 (3:19:24 AM): she wants me to take her to a club for her first time ever
JoshuNoShougai (3:19:38 AM): How cute!
COrPsys2000 (3:19:58 AM): lol… maybe not… it sort of creepy to me
JoshuNoShougai (3:20:43 AM): Well, realize that she’s a beautiful person, too. . . and she longs for what you do . . . There’s so much common ground.
JoshuNoShougai (3:20:52 AM): @ the very least- go dancing with your mother.
JoshuNoShougai (3:21:01 AM): It’ll be something you remember for the rest of your life.
COrPsys2000 (3:21:08 AM): lol
COrPsys2000 (3:21:16 AM):
JoshuNoShougai (3:21:27 AM): ^_~
JoshuNoShougai (3:22:38 AM): lol- as if you should listen to some weirdo on the other end of your computer screen.
JoshuNoShougai (3:23:54 AM): You know, David, I really would like to see a picture of you- just so I know what face to imagine is looking @ the screen.
COrPsys2000 (3:24:07 AM): hehe… i will take her to the club… but her reasoning is her and her partner just broke up and she is on the prowl…. not something i realy want to see… ya know? lol…
JoshuNoShougai (3:24:27 AM): MAMMA ON THE PROWL!!!!
JoshuNoShougai (3:24:31 AM): Yeah, I understand!
COrPsys2000 (3:24:32 AM): lol
JoshuNoShougai (3:24:32 AM): lol
COrPsys2000 (3:25:11 AM): omg your chat lingo is too cute
JoshuNoShougai (3:25:29 AM): What? *blush*
JoshuNoShougai (3:25:52 AM): THANK GOD you actually know the appropriate use of the word “too” !
JoshuNoShougai (3:26:14 AM): Sorry, but it annoys me when folks use the wrong “to” or “too” or “two”
COrPsys2000 (3:27:35 AM): lol
COrPsys2000 (3:28:22 AM): i am an Email Technical support for a major company… i must know my P’s and Q’s among other things
COrPsys2000 (3:28:44 AM):
JoshuNoShougai (3:28:56 AM): Well, I like that.
COrPsys2000 (3:29:29 AM): :B <--- feel like a geek now!!!
JoshuNoShougai (3:29:38 AM): WHY????
JoshuNoShougai (3:30:35 AM): You are sooooo NOT a geek.
JoshuNoShougai (3:30:42 AM): Geeks can't be this cute.
COrPsys2000 (3:30:47 AM): ty
COrPsys2000 (3:32:10 AM): brb
JoshuNoShougai (3:32:17 AM): Okay.
COrPsys2000 (3:34:12 AM): you there
JoshuNoShougai (3:34:36 AM): Of course.
COrPsys2000 (3:34:54 AM): cool!
JoshuNoShougai (3:36:21 AM): Are you?
COrPsys2000 (3:37:09 AM): i will say that i am an outgoing person when i am in a crowed... but i am shy and quiet one on one in person... sort of awkward ora... but once a person gets to know i get more comfortable and more outgoing and spoken around them
JoshuNoShougai (3:37:55 AM): I'm better with one-on-one than I am with groups . . unless have have a few friends in the group.
JoshuNoShougai (3:38:22 AM): I can blab and blab all day-- but I feel insecure when I start talking about who I am . . or want I want in life . .etc.
COrPsys2000 (3:39:25 AM): it is my teddy bear method: be in the spot light (it is magnetic) but be real and honest to someone one on one... (i am really shy at first-Honest)
JoshuNoShougai (3:39:55 AM): Well, it's cool with me.
COrPsys2000 (3:40:21 AM):
COrPsys2000 (3:40:31 AM): email addy?
COrPsys2000 (3:40:38 AM): i will send you a pic
JoshuNoShougai (3:41:05 AM): sanesolutions@earthlink.net
JoshuNoShougai (3:41:20 AM): ^_^
COrPsys2000 (3:41:47 AM): (:
JoshuNoShougai (3:41:55 AM): *clicks send and receive 1,000 times*
COrPsys2000 (3:42:46 AM): Hold your horses! hehe
JoshuNoShougai (3:42:53 AM): lol!
JoshuNoShougai (3:42:58 AM): Okay, I'll hold.
COrPsys2000 (3:45:11 AM): sent
JoshuNoShougai (3:45:19 AM): checking in 5
JoshuNoShougai (3:45:20 AM): 4
JoshuNoShougai (3:45:24 AM): you get the point
COrPsys2000 (3:45:34 AM): lol
JoshuNoShougai (3:46:15 AM): You are VERY handsome!
COrPsys2000 (3:46:31 AM): lol... TY... you are too
JoshuNoShougai (3:47:37 AM): Maybe it's time to visit the eye clinic, dear.
JoshuNoShougai (3:47:39 AM): lol
JoshuNoShougai (3:48:01 AM): ^_^ I'll take all the compliments I can get.
COrPsys2000 (3:48:38 AM): dont say that besides i am practically blind... but lenses or glasses gimme better than 20/20 vision
COrPsys2000 (3:49:26 AM): your pics remind me of a guy i sort of had a crush on in school
JoshuNoShougai (3:49:57 AM): Well, I'm glad you like my pics.
COrPsys2000 (3:50:40 AM): grrr...how yoooouuuu doin!
COrPsys2000 (3:50:43 AM): lol
COrPsys2000 (3:51:43 AM): and your profile is awsome as well...
JoshuNoShougai (3:52:18 AM): ^_^ I'm still looking @ your picture. It's nice to know the cute face that goes with the beautiful personality.
COrPsys2000 (3:52:50 AM): i must mention i have 11 peircings (8 in ears and nothing below the neck) and three tattoos on my fore arms
JoshuNoShougai (3:53:44 AM): Well, if I run out of space on my bulletin board, I know who to tack things to. It's cool.
COrPsys2000 (3:54:16 AM): lol
JoshuNoShougai (3:54:34 AM): Sorry, that was 4:00 AM humor.
COrPsys2000 (3:54:57 AM): I just wanted my tongue peirced and a small tattoo at first... but dang it is addicting
JoshuNoShougai (3:55:55 AM): I could just picture you waking up at 3:00 AM going "Oh my GOD - I NEED A PIERCING"
COrPsys2000 is idle at 3:56:02 AM.
JoshuNoShougai (3:56:02 AM): It's all good.
COrPsys2000 is no longer idle at 3:56:43 AM.
COrPsys2000 (3:56:46 AM): no im done now
COrPsys2000 (3:56:51 AM): hehe
JoshuNoShougai (3:57:18 AM): brb making a quick snack.
JoshuNoShougai (4:00:20 AM): Prosciutto, Provolone, and Pickels- on a hoagie roll.
COrPsys2000 (4:02:51 AM): Pros-cu-toe? WHAT????
JoshuNoShougai (4:03:27 AM): I don't know, really, I'm just starting into this whole gourmet thing . .
COrPsys2000 (4:03:34 AM): lol
JoshuNoShougai (4:03:35 AM): I think it's a prime cut of ham.
COrPsys2000 (4:03:45 AM): ok
COrPsys2000 (4:04:07 AM): i think i know what you are talking about it is a spicy ham right?
JoshuNoShougai (4:04:58 AM): I think some proscuito can be spicy . . but this is just a firm piece of meat . .
JoshuNoShougai (4:05:08 AM): like zero marbling in it.
COrPsys2000 (4:06:13 AM): lol
JoshuNoShougai (4:07:16 AM): Whatever I ate- it was pretty tasty
JoshuNoShougai (4:07:42 AM): Yum for Proscuitto!
COrPsys2000 is idle at 4:08:15 AM.
JoshuNoShougai (4:09:28 AM): So, what are you up to?
COrPsys2000 is no longer idle at 4:10:56 AM.
COrPsys2000 (4:10:57 AM): talkin to my roomates
JoshuNoShougai (4:11:28 AM): Cool.
COrPsys2000 (4:14:07 AM): i need to go out side... for a bit
COrPsys2000 (4:14:47 AM): idea... did you wanna talk on phone??? ( i cant bite through a phone line) hehe
JoshuNoShougai (4:14:47 AM): Do what you like, babe. I'm about to go to bed, anyway.
JoshuNoShougai (4:14:59 AM): Sure, we can talk.
COrPsys2000 (4:15:28 AM): :'-( bed time?... oh, great... me call you or you call me?
COrPsys2000 (4:15:35 AM):
JoshuNoShougai (4:16:02 AM): If you own a cell phone- it'd be best for you to call me- because I don't own one . .and would pay long distance. .
JoshuNoShougai (4:16:19 AM): If you don't, then I can call you . . or you call me . . it doesn't matter.
COrPsys2000 (4:16:45 AM): you are in luck i got a cell
JoshuNoShougai (4:16:59 AM): I thought you would.
JoshuNoShougai (4:17:07 AM): 863-471-1878
JoshuNoShougai (4:17:13 AM): and be aware I'm fighting off a cold.
COrPsys2000 (4:17:24 AM): where is that located?
COrPsys2000 (4:17:28 AM): 863?
JoshuNoShougai (4:17:36 AM): Central FL - Sebring.
COrPsys2000 (4:17:56 AM): oh yeah... hehe... the school right?
JoshuNoShougai (4:18:16 AM): School?
COrPsys2000 (4:18:18 AM): or not... lol... i am gettin tired...
JoshuNoShougai (4:18:54 AM): lol
COrPsys2000 (4:19:17 AM): i call now?
JoshuNoShougai (4:19:24 AM): Whenever you're ready.
COrPsys2000 (4:19:36 AM): k
COrPsys2000 (4:19:42 AM): ......
COrPsys2000 is idle at 4:20:49 AM.
COrPsys2000 signed off at 4:39:05 AM.

We talked on the phone until 6:30 a.m. . . We covered every topic imaginable. Life, Death, Friends, Family. . you name it, we discussed it.

I remember being so thrilled that he was young and cute. I mean, a thoughtful guy . . young and cute . . I had hit the jackpot.

I’m still winning.

More about our beginnings tomorrow.

Peace.

Click the thumbnails for larger images.

A view of the dock and a sandman somebody left behind.

The Circle Park Sandman?

Jason is my roomie.

His Mom is so proud.

I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow, so I’m going to sleep now.

Josh

Enjoy!

Josh

You see, part of the queer culture consists of many “subcultures” with their own jargons used to describe what it is they’re in to. We often stick to our own subcultures to avoid feeling uncomfortable and out of the norm.
It’s quite obvious to anyone who knows me, that I’m a big guy. At 278 pounds, I’m tough to miss, but I don’t mind, because I’m a “chub.”

The Chub Subculture Defined

• I define a Chub as a large gay man who believes he’s sexy the way he is, and doesn’t feel the need to change his appearance just because he isn’t the “norm.” Chubs are, for the most part, in to Chasers.
• Chubs are often courted by Chasers. I define a Chaser as a fit, in-shape, gay man who is attracted to Chubs.
• A Chub4Chub is, obviously, a large gay man who is attracted to other large gay men.

The Chub community is often thrown together with the “Bear” community.

• The word Bear has such a broad meaning, that it’s pretty tough to define. I consider bears to be similar to the sterotypical motorcycle dudes on TV. They’re masculine, somewhat hairy, and may or may not be chubby.
• Cubs are younger, less burly, gay guys who have some body hair, but are often smaller than bears.

While I have somewhat “bearish” features, (goatee, build, chest hair) I don’t identify myself as a bear, because I see bears as big, strong, dudes, and I often need help opening lids on jars.

Somewhere, in all of this jargon real people exist.

To my straight friends, at first glance, all these divisions seem weird. Then I remind them “Catholic, Baptist, Church of Christ, Church of God, Church of . . Church of . . Church of” and they get it. Even straight people have subcultures based around religion. In queer life, it’s often divided by what you’re in to.

I understand that it’s important to belong to a group, but I wonder how much is lost when we, on first glance, write someone off as outside of our culture.
The next time someone who isn’t in your norm says a friendly “hello,” why not look past the end of your nose, and find out who they really are. A person can’t simply be defined by “chub, chaser, chub4chub, bear, or cub.” You might be surprised how much you’ve lost in translation.