Believe.

Has been a bit boring.  MySpace, Facebook, MySpace, Facebook . . so goes my life today.

I’ve been trying to get into “Dynamics for Living” by Charles Fillmore, but it was compiled in the 60’s and many of his examples don’t fit my everyday life.

I do, however, like that his “mission” is to prove God– and not ask anyone to believe anything by faith.  Pure logic and observation are being used to overcome doubts- instead of faith, smoke, and mirrors.

Right now, I’m chatting with my friend Tome on Meebo.com, listening to the radio, and enjoying the cool Florida breeze blowing through the open window of my parents’ dining room.

Tome recently came out to his boss and a good friend.  I’m very proud of him for having the courage to stand up and say “This is me, and I’m okay with it.”

It’s a big step.  Especialy in the U.S..  Self-acceptance is viewed by many as egotistical and shallow, when, in truth, It’s one of the most humble, honest, things one can do. 

Way to go, Tome.  I’m so proud of you!  Stand up, boy.  Be proud of who you are.  Now that you’re openly, honestly, embracing who you are- watch your life open all kinds of new, exciting opportunities.

I’ll be cheering you on!

It’s the title of my blog.  My Life.  It’s impossible to describe each emotion I feel- each life experience in words.

Mainly, because I’m not a great writer.  I don’t have patience like some others, and spend hours each day scouring over dictionairies and the like- imporoving my vocabulary.  Enough rambling about that.

In the last month, I’ve come to learn that my health is probably a bit worse than I thought and that my life, in fact, is in danger.  I made a commitment to myself that I would start LIVING, so that my date of death corresponds with the day my body stops moving.  I don’t want to live a “dead” life until I stop breathing from boredom or depression because I waited too long to live.

It’s strange really, what a change of thought will do.  In all other aspects of my life, I’ve remained the same.  I’m not walking around in different clothes or anything, just a different state of mind.

suddenly, *poof*, Out of the blue (which is just another of God’s name, in my view) new friends have begun to appear.

Brady’s been around for a bit, but he recently introduced me to Amanda.  She rocks my world.  She always seems to have something positive (or kinky lol) to say, and I know she knows what it’s like to not feel your best.  We get along on so many levels, and I just love her to pieces.

He’s also introduced me to Jeff, Jake, April, and Mags.  While I haven’t had as much time as I’d like to get to know the first three, Mags and I spent a couple hours on IM not too long ago, and it was like talking to myself. . . it’s so strange that two people could have such similar views on this universe.

Now, at work– Keith, a really sweet guy with a great sense of style started talking with me.  Before i knew it, he invited me to go out with him, his partner, and Kim- the funniest person I think I’ve ever met.  We saw X-Men 3 together, and had such a great time.

Today, Keith and I went to see Over The Hedge, and then went to Chili’s.  Wow. What a great time.  It’s so great to know there’s a chaser (he calls himself a trapper because he likes bears and chubs) in town.  He’s with such a great guy, too, and I can see they love each other a lot.   I have a feeling we’ll exchange lots of tips.  *giggles*  I don’t think either Gary (his partner) or David (My partner) will mind a bit!  LOL . . two guys so passionate about larger guys . . sharing pointers . . Yeah, both Gary and David will benefit.

I’m falling asleep at the computer, but I had to put in a little update.

Josh

I talked with him today- the love of my life.

This is him, my “one.”

I thought I had found love before, but I had no comprehension of the term. He’s amazing in every way, and not a day goes by that I don’t think of him.

Now, before you pass any judgements on the “Long Distance Relationship” thing, hear me out. David and I met by accident. We aren’t really sure how, but we had appeared on each other’s AIM buddy list. Our first words to each other were “Who are you?”

I was sitting at my desk, newly hired on as the network administrator for a Golf Resort, and had just installed Trillian. I logged in, and suddenly, up popped

“Who are you?”
I replied with . . “I’m Josh. Who are you?”
“David.”
I typed “Hi, David. Do I know you?”
“I was just about to ask you the same thing.”
“Well, David, there are only a few reasons why I’d be on your buddy list,” I typed, “I’m a computer nerd, I’m a magician, and I’m gay. Are you any of those?”
“I’m a computer nerd, and I’m gay too,” he typed.
“Awesome.”
“I’m at work, but I get off tonight if you want to type more,” He invited conversation- this is a good thing. “Okay, I work late, but I’ll try to be on around ten.” I was intrigued.
“Bye”
“Bye”

It’s not the most glorious of “first chats,” but it was ours.

Later that night, I logged on. I felt rather silly for waiting around for a guy I didn’t know, but something told me he might be important. The Resort had been taking a lot out of me- early days and late nights, but it served as a wonderful distraction from my pain. You see, a few months earlier, the guy I thought I’d be with forever left me $6,000 poorer than I had started- for my best friend. Of course, not before trying to kill me.

Work was a welcome distraction from the silent clutches of my empty life. Sure, I had friends and a good relationship with my parents, but sleeping alone was strange and I didn’t want to think about it. As you’ll see from my chat, I probably wasn’t ready for him, but I’m so thankful he was ready for me.

We had chatted for a few minutes before this log was saved, so . . join in the conversation.

It happened March 19, 2004
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